


As You Are

by FridayKnights



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love Again, M/M, Moving On, Past Character Death, Past Haurchefant/WoL, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 00:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20498189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FridayKnights/pseuds/FridayKnights
Summary: “Please don’t think I expect you to pick up all my broken pieces, I’ve done most of that on my own. I’m still continuing to do so. I’m finally at the point where I can eat, sleep, and live without him. I want to be happy and I want to be with you, as scary as that is for me to admit.”“I’ll take you as you are Lucian, broken pieces and all. Will you have me all the same?” Thancred asked.“It would be my honor to have you as you are.”





	As You Are

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place sometime during stormblood, but before shadowbringers. It’s been some time since Haurchefant’s death and Lucian has finally started to come to terms with his passing and starts to develop feelings for Thancred. You’ll have to read to find out the rest!

My WoL: 

Lucian Nightwing | 26 | Dancer/Ninja | Gay

* * *

Thancred had his face nuzzled into the crook of Lucian’s neck. He peppered lazy kisses to the warm, dark skin before him. The Au Ra hummed in pleasure as his lover’s lips neared the edge of the scales on his neck, it was known fact how sensitive Lucian’s neck was, especially when brown skin and black scale met. Even the most gentle kiss could arouse him.

They’d already made love. Their naked limbs were entangled and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. They were coming down of their blissful high, kissing each other and enjoying each other's warmth.

Lucian was the first to move. He wrapped his arms around Thancred’s waist as he moved to sit up, the Hyur made no objections to the sudden movement and let his body be guided by Lucian. It was always like this, Thancred let himself go completely to the mercy of the warrior of light. He had no worries or stress when he stepped over the threshold of Lucian’s room. 

Thancred curled into the warmth of the other’s skin as they walked towards the bathroom. Lucian was silent as he held him, he was always silent during times like these. Thancred never thought to ask why, a part of him knew. It was unspoken between them both yet it was apparent that Lucian hadn’t been with anyone since his previous lover passed away. He mentioned the untimely death of Haurchefant to Thancred once after they were reunited, but the pain in his voice and the hurt in his eyes said more than his words had. It was never brought up again after that, Lucian didn’t want to talk about it and Thancred had no reason to remind him of his loss, not when he was dealing with a loss of his own.

The first time they had sex was more of a blur than a real memory. Thancred hadn’t drank much since well before the fiasco in Ul’Dah, but it had been a stressful day for him and the thought of mulled wine sounded better than ever. 

The Rising Stones was his go to place. He changed much since when they first relocated, Thancred didn’t much like the idea of random bars with random people who he’d only ever know for the night. Of course, when he needed the kind of release that alcohol couldn’t give him that was a different story. Thancred wanted something familiar, no more anonymity and false promises. He laughed at himself each time a thought like that crossed his mind. It seemed he was no longer the man he used to be. He was more hardened by battle and looking for any means of stability he could find. Sex _ used _to do it for him. He used to find it exciting to walk into a new place and sing his poetics to anyone who would listen and more times than not his words alone could sweep anyone off their feet and onto their back. 

It wasn’t like he couldn’t do it anymore, it proved to still work when he was desperate. Thancred sighed as he looked down at his empty cup. Moments after F'lhaminn topped off his cup Lucian had sat in the stool beside him. The warrior of light was a familiar presence to him. They’d met a few years prior, way before the days of the scions, but it was a brief meeting when they were both young. 

Lucian was a runaway. He left Doma at 16, and years later brought him to Limsa Lominsa where he met Thancred, albeit for a short period of time. Neither of them realized it till months later when Minfilia has mentioned Thancred’s younger days, then the puzzle pieces started to fall into place. Lucian had left Gridania, leaving a friend behind because their paths had led them in different directions. As a native to Doma, Lucian knew the ways of shinobi and learned the ways of a rogue upon coming to Limsa. 

Thancred was older than Lucian by six years, he was on his way out of Limsa as Lucian was starting to settle in. He remembered hearing of the bright new pupil who knew his way around a pair of daggers better than all the seasoned rouges in Limsa combined. Thancred has laughed it off then, he had been so full of confidence in his younger days, he didn’t believe that whoever the young buck was could be any better than him. Now, he laughed about it. To think that very man would one day be the warrior of light. 

Lucian was never the talkative type. He said what needed to be said and always got right to the point. When he spoke it was always with purpose and vigor. His voice was deep yet smooth like velvet. It was easy on the ears, and as Thancred learned later on _ very _ melodical when his words were wrapped around deep sultry moans and pleas. Though he didn’t speak much during sex what little words he did say had a habit of only making things hotter. 

That night proved Lucian, the stoic powerful man that he is, always knew exactly what to say and when to say it. 

“Lucian,” he greeted the Au Ra. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I could say the same. You haven’t been by the bar much these days.”

“You’re as observant as ever.” 

“It’s hard not to be when it comes to you.” He said. “Can I get your next drink?”

How could Thancred have said no? Everything after that had been a blur in their memories. Nothing much but loud moans and the sound of the headboard banging against the wall came to mind when they thought back to that night, but ever since then they found themselves at each other’s disposal. 

Currently, Lucian was running the water in the shower. While he waited for the water to get hot enough he turned his attention back towards Thancred. Aside from the cloth around his eye he was completely naked. Lucian undid the knot that held the cloth around his head and folded into a perfect square before placing it off to the side. He then let down Thancred’s hair, letting the longer sections of his hair fall over his shoulders. Lucian’s fingers ran through the white locks to get out the small knots. They both had shocking white hair. They joked how Lucian cut most of his off and Thancred had grown his out during their time apart. 

The water was hot against Thancred’s skin but that’s exactly how he liked his showers. The hot water steamed around them both. Lucian had his hands back in the other’s hair, after wetting it considerably he ran the unscented shampoo through it. 

“You don’t need to wash my hair, I can do it.” Thancred said, but Lucian’s mind was elsewhere. 

“Just let me do this for you, please.” 

“Alright.” He didn’t have it in him to object

Usually after they were done, they’d shower separately and share a meal. Thancred would stay until Lucian fell asleep and then quietly slip away. It had always been wash, rinse, repeat. Tonight was very different. Lucian was much more affectionate and attentive than usual. He was ever the lover, always listening to the sounds Thancred made and learned what he liked and disliked rather quickly. When Thancred made no objections to being carried into the bathroom, Lucian decided to try something he hadn’t done since his relationship with Haurchefant. 

“I’m going to tell you a story. Try not to take it the wrong way.” Lucian said. “As I’m slowly coming to terms with Haurchefant’s death I find it easier to talk about.”

“Is it a story about him?” 

“Yes.”

“Then tell me.”

“We were sneaking around from months before I was allowed into Ishgard. The first night I spent at his home was a whirlwind of emotions for me, I was overjoyed to be with him but yet was in _ so much _pain. I was confused, not knowing if any of my friends were even alive. He asked what he could do for me then, inadvertently offering me his body to take my stress out on, but I said no.”

“You said no?” 

“I did, because that wasn’t the only reason I loved him. Of course, at that point I didn’t realize I was in love. Anyways, I asked him to shower with me. He never asked why, he only said yes and followed me into the bathroom. He allowed me to undress him, bathe him, wash his hair. That was the only normalcy I had in my life. It was so domestic and pure. We didn’t even have sex after that. I fell asleep holding him that night. That meant more to me than anything.” 

“That’s beautiful, Lucian. Why exactly are you telling me this?” Thancred looked back at him cautiously. He knew his wording may not have been the best, but Lucian smiled back ignoring the tears that were in his eyes. 

“Because I would like to have something like that in my life again.”

He washed the suds from Thancred’s hair and kissed the top of his head. A comfortable silence fell between them both. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fall in love again, but I want to try.” Lucian said. “I’ve never been so unsure about something in my life, but I know he would want me to be happy. I’ll never have exactly what I had with him, and thinking about it now, that's a good thing. Instead of looking for someone to replace what’s irreplaceable I should have been looking at what was right in front of me this whole time.”

“Lucian, I-“

“All I’m trying to say is that the past is the past. It’s something I’ve learned- that I’m still learning- to live with. I shouldn’t be looking for love in the past, but rather in the present.” 

“I’m not sure I'm someone who was meant to be loved in that way.” Thancred turned to face him. Lucian had an optimistic look in his eyes, something Thancred hadn’t seen from him in so long. “I wish I could be that for you, I really do.”

“Will you not try?”

“I…” The Hyur bit his trembling lip and let his head fall into the other’s chest. “I so badly want to. I’m just scared.”

“And I’m not? I don’t know about you, but watching your first love die in your arms isn’t exactly ideal. How does one even begin to move on from that? But over time I did, I accept it for what it is even though it pains me, but I want to move and be happy with someone again. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with than you, Thancred.”

“I’ve never been in love before, Lucian. Am I even capable?” 

Lucian had never heard such a small voice come from Thancred before. He was a man who always seemed so sure of himself. 

“Is that why you don’t spend the night?” He pressed. 

“I’m afraid I won’t want to leave the bed if I wake up next to you in the morning.”

The Au Ra wrapped his arms around Thancred. He pressed another kiss to his temple. 

“Twould be a blessing to wake up next to you in the morning, you know. Can we try it, at least? I understand your fear, a part of me feels the same. I’m afraid I’ll feel guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“For wanting no one but you.” Lucian said quietly. 

Thancred looked up at his with wide, mix matched eyes. He was searching for something within Lucian’s own lavender eyes, but found nothing but unwavering honesty and tenderness thT made Thancred’s heart pound heavy and loud in his chest. Never had he felt more alive than he did in that moment. 

“I’ll try, Lucian.” He declared. “I’ll stay tonight.”

“Thank you.” 

A familiar warmth spread of Thancred’s skin as Lucian cupped his cheeks and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, leaving him wanting more. 

“I’ve learned from my past mistakes. I will not be so foolish this time, I swear I won’t let anything happen to you when I’m around.” 

_ “That’s his biggest fear, to lose yet another that he holds dear, and to think mine is letting myself fall in love with him. I’m truly the fool.” _ The archon said in his mind. He sighed heavily and kissed Lucian passionately. 

“I feel like you need to hear this, though maybe not from me,” he started to say. “You didn’t _ let _anything happen to him, Haurchefant did what he did on his own accord because he loved you. I would do the same for anyone I hold dear, as would you.” 

Lucian knew this without needing to be told. He reminded himself that Haurchefant’s sacrifice was not due to his own inability to protect his loved ones. Lucian knew if the roles had been reserved he would have done the same, but it didn’t make him hurt any less. 

“Please don’t think I expect you to pick up all my broken pieces, I’ve done most of that on my own. I’m still continuing to do so. I’m finally at the point where I can eat, sleep, and _ live _without him. I want to be happy and I want to be with you, as scary as that is for me to admit.”

“I’ll take you as you are Lucian, broken pieces and all. Will you have me all the same?”

“It would be my honor to have you as you are.” 

——

The curtains in Lucian’s room were full drawn like they always were, allowing his room to be illuminated with the early morning sun. It warmed his room and acted as his alarm clock each day. With each dawn brought a new day and another challenge for him to face head on with his fellow scions. 

The warmth that enveloped him was different this morning. The bed next to him was no longer empty. The numbness in Lucian’s arm was due to Thancred falling asleep on it. He laughed to himself but didn’t dare move as his lover slept peacefully beside him for the first time. Instead, he rolled his body closer of Thancred, settling his body against the curve of the other’s back. 

Hopefully Alphinaud wouldn’t mind if they were a little late. Lucian felt peace wash over him as every inch of his body pressed against Thancred’s. 

_ This is different in the best way possible, I could grow used to this. _Lucian thought to himself as he felt himself slowly falling back to sleep. 

Thancred had been awake for some time now, but pretend otherwise. He wanted to flee when he first noticed the time, but he remembered his promise and when he looked over to Lucian’s sleeping face, he realized there was no better place to be than sleeping beside him. If Lucian could take him as he was, then he had no reason to run and no reason to be afraid. Thancred stayed and silently hoped they’d share more mornings together in the future if the gods allowed it. 

Thancred started to stir but Lucian held him in place. 

“Go back to sleep, we can get a few more hours in.”

But only seconds later did Alphinaud contact him via link pearl. 

“You spoke too soon, Lucian.”

“Good morning to you, too.” He teased. “Maybe another day we can sleep in.”

“Tomorrow, perhaps?”

“Tomorrow sounds perfect. I’m looking forward to it.”

For the first time in what felt like forever a genuine, heartfelt smile crossed Lucian’s lips. He had missed how it felt to be happy. 


End file.
